Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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