I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
