i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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