I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
