saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are two peas in an std pod
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
