yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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