Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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