I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
