You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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