I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
