im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
