You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
