Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
