Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I cut my penus on the lid.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Green mimosas i think yes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
