I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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