just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
