Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
