3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
