from now on my penis is your penis
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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