I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
