I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
