and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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