Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
