We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
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