Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
