I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
