I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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