Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
