Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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