I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
