no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
