You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
