Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
