Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
