dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
