Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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