My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
