i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
