As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
