You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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