My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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