Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
