last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
