I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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