I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
