I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
