He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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