You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
