Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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