My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well you can't waste a boner
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
