I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
