To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
