hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
