My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
