Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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